We have taught ourselves to hold on. Now we need to unlearn.
There's a famous joke that goes something like this, "A man goes to see the psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, sometimes I think I'm a teepee. Then, I think I'm a wigwam. Then, I think I'm a teepee. Then, I think I'm a wigwam. The psychiatrist says, "I see your problem. I believe you're two tents."
It's one of the oldest jokes I know, but it's actually got a grain of real truth in it. Besides the reference in the joke to actual teepees and wigwams, in reality, we do change who we think we are all the time. One minute we are playing the role of mum or dad, then the next we are boss or employee. One day we can be full of energy and joy, yet the next day we might be tired and unmotivated.
We are constantly changing and there is nothing wrong with that, in fact, it's the nature of life and reality. But, the problems arise when we resist that and try to project our expectations, hopes and desires of how the moment 'should be' on to reality. That's when we become too tense.
If we could actually accept that we are 'two tents', that is, we can be two very different things at the same time, that we are a paradox, we are conflicted and complementary all at once, then we would flow with life more easily and tension would melt away.